My Weakness
by ENSC28
Summary: A new story with Emma Jay and of course, Sean. Sean returns to Degrassi to find Emma and Jay are dating.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Degrassi, CTV, or any affiliated material herein. I am however a proud Canadian (esp since we created Degrassi… ha ha ha) and I love Sean/Emma! Also, I don't own the rights to the Papa Roach Lyrics that will appear at some point in this story. Contains possible spoilers

"Emma… earth to Emma… HEY! Greenpeace!!" Emma pulled herself out of the drunken haze she was in and looked at Jay. She couldn't believe what they'd just done. She couldn't believe that she, Emma Nelson had gotten completely hammered and done… what she'd just done with Jay.

The more she thought about it, the more she liked it.

_No one will say I'm a goody-goody now, will they?_

She laughed "Jay, you'd better get out of here, my neighbours are 'watching the house' while my parents are away. They'll notice your car in the driveway"

"Awww, babe are you sure I can't spend the night? You could give me a chance to return the favor." Jay threw Emma a wink.

Emma gave him a drunken giggle "As tempting as that is, you'd better go. Next time."

"Alright babe, but there WILL be a next time. Who'd have thought you'd be so good at that?" Jay grabbed her and kissed her one last time.

"Thanks for the compliment… I think." Emma couldn't seem to stop laughing. _Does alcohol make everything so funny? And why is the room spinning…._

Emma let Jay out, and after locking the door behind him, she stumbled back to her room and fell into bed, fully clothed.

The next morning, Emma woke up to discover her head weighed 80 pounds. Or at least, it felt like it did. She opened one bleary eye, and started at the clock. 1:15. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in so late. She glanced at the calendar – Friday, December 9th. _Friday!?!?! _That meant she had school today.. and she'd missed half of it. The old Emma would have leapt out of bed and rushed of to school. But the new, broken Emma simply sighed and fell back asleep.

Emma woke again hours later. She decided she'd better get up this time, even though she still felt awful. She grabbed a towel and headed for the shower.

She'd just finished getting ready when there was a knock at the door. She opened the door to find Jay standing there.

"Hey – party tonight, wanna come?"

Emma hesitated… she was enjoying her newfound wild side as much as anyone, but she didn't know if she'd survive two nights in a row. Nonetheless, she grabbed her coat and headed out.

At the party, she got the usual reaction "Emma? Emma NELSON? Well well well, you little rebel. Does your Mommy know you're drinking?". For the most part, Jay stuck up for Emma, which surprised her. She knew Jay liked her for.. obvious reasons, but she didn't think he actually cared what people said about her.

"You know Jay" …. _Wow, I'm slurring a little _"I'm starting to see why Sean ditched me to hang out with you guys.."

Jay laughed "I knew you'd see the light eventually! We're irresistible! Speaking of Cameron, I wonder how that punk is doing these days…"

Emma looked away.. the last thing she wanted to think about was what Sean was doing now.

She pushed the thought away. She didn't care what Sean was doing. She had forgiven him for the last year, and he had, of course, saved her life. She'd always be grateful to him for that. But, that didn't change the stab of pain she felt when he heard him tell Ellie he loved her. The one thing that he'd never said to her.

What would his reaction be if he could see her right now?

Little did Emma know, she wouldn't have to wait long to find out…


	2. He Returns

Disclaimer: Don't own Degrassi... SEE CHAPTER ONE - same disclaimer.

A week later, Emma sat in MI class, her last class of the day, struggling to stay awake. All of her late nights were finally starting to catch up to her. She'd managed to continue sneaking out once her parents & Jack returned from their trip, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep this up. She also wasn't sure how much longer she could keep Jay from wanting to 'finish what they started' as he put it.

"Class, can I have your attention please?" her stepfather struggled to bring the class down to a dull roar. "We have a returning student I know some of you will be glad to see." Snake looked directly at Emma as he said this. _What… no… it can't be.. _

"So – welcome back Sean! Why don't you sit with Emma and she can help you get caught up on what we've been doing."

Emma closed her eyes. _This is not happening._

She sensed, rather than saw, Sean sit down beside her.

"Hey Em. Long time no see." Sean said in that all-to-familiar voice from her daydreams.

"Hey." Emma replied. She didn't trust herself to say any more than that. She started talking about the work Sean had missed, knowing if she kept her mind on the task at hand, she wouldn't have time to think about the fact that her heart was racing.

After class, Emma rushed to her locker to put her books away. She could not believe this was happening. "Emma!" Sean came after her.

"What do you want!?" Emma snapped

"Whoa, I just… you forgot this in the MI lab.." he handed her her pen. "What's wrong Em, I thought you'd be happy to see me?".

"Yeah, well, Why don't you go find Ellie? You know, the girl you love.Things have changed Sean. I've changed. Get used to it." She slammed her locker and walked away, leaving Sean dumbfounded.

Sean started after her, and got outside just in time to see Jay walk up to Emma, throw his arm around her and lead her to his car.

Sean shook his head.. what?? he must be dreaming. Only in a dream… or a nightmare... would Emma be with Jay. They couldn't stand each other. Last he knew, Jay thought Emma was uptight, and Emma blamed Jay for Sean breaking up with her.

He still cringed when he thought of what he'd done to Emma. Of how he'd hurt her. She'd accepted his apology, but that didn't change what he'd done.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't erase the past. Just like he couldn't erase what he'd just seen.


	3. Breakups & Confrontations

On the way home, Emma was unusually quiet.

"What's wrong babe?" Jay asked

"…Nothing. I'm just tired." Emma replied

"Oh. So, tonight.. my parents will be gone.. I was thinking you could come over… and we could.."

Emma cut him off.. "I don't think so Jay.. I'm tired."

"Does this have anything to do with Cameron coming back? I saw heard he made a grand entrance in your MI class."

"What!?? No. Sean and I… I have nothing to say to him. Why does everyone think I care that he's back!!? I don't!!!" She was practically shouting.

"Whoa, settle down! I was just asking." Jay wasn't sure what to think of Emma's little outburst.

He pulled to the curb at Emma's and she got out, slamming the door behind her.

When she entered her room, she threw her books on the floor and kicked at them. She felt as if she was losing control, something she'd held onto so desperately her entire life. Being a teen with a Mom who wasn't even thirty, a stepfather with cancer, a biological father who was not well, and having the guy you love leave you.. more than once.. well, it wasn't easy. Control was something she had clung to. Now, she just didn't care anymore. In fact, it occurred to her, today, that when she'd seen Sean, it was the first time she'd felt anything in weeks. It was the first time she'd felt alive. But there was nothing she could do about that. Sean had Ellie, and she had.. Jay. And as much as she wanted to, she couldn't go back. Exhaustion pulled her into a deep, deep sleep.

"Sean, why are you doing this!!??" Ellie sobbed

Sean sighed "Ellie, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just can't.. we can't.. do this anymore."

"But I love you, you said you loved me! You came back, I thought you came back for me." She was nearly hysterical at this point.

"Ellie, I do care about you. I want the best for you - but I just don't think that's me. Not anymore." It killed Sean to do this to Ellie… why did it seem like he always hurt the people he cared about? But it would only hurt Ellie more later if he didn't do this now.

"Is this about Emma?! I heard you were talking to her in the hallway today, and that you ran after her. Is it true? Are you still in love with her?" Ellie demanded through her tears

"What? Emma?! No! Ellie, this has nothing to do with Emma!" _Although the sight of Jay with Emma felt like a swift kick to the abdomen. _

"Don't lie Sean!! I HATE YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE I TRUSTED YOU!! GO TO HELL!" Ellie threw her clothes in a bag and ran into the night.

Sean punched the wall. _WELL, IT SURE IS GOOD TO BE HOME!!!!!_ He thought sarcastically.

Emma awoke the next day feeling better than she had in a long time. Probably because she finally got a decent night's sleep. She took a little extra time getting ready that morning, _for Jay _she told herself. As luck would have it, Jay was the first person she saw that morning.

"Hey hot stuff." He gave her a kiss. "My attendance has improved dramatically since you & I started hooking up."

"Funny, because mine has sure declined" she replied with a laugh. Jay laughed.

"I'll meet you at lunch." Jay gave her a quick swat on the butt as he walked away.

Emma's mind drifted off to the three papers she had due in the next week – two of which she hadn't even started. _And why do I still not care?_ She wondered.

She was so deep in thought, she didn't notice anyone come up behind her. She turned and was startled to see familiar eyes staring back at her.

"God! Sean, you scared me!" She glared at him "Can I help you with something?"

"I just want to talk Emma." Sean pleaded

"What part of 'I have nothing to say to you' are you failing to understand Sean? You're smart, figure it out." Emma was shocked at the amount of hostility she felt towards the guy she'd once loved with all her heart. She started to walk away, but Sean grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Nothing to say? Nothing to say!?!?! Oh, I think we have plenty to say Emma! What the hell are you doing with Jay? I saw you two yesterday!!!" Sean was amazed at how quickly Emma could still push his buttons.

Emma gave him an impish smile "Oh, didn't you hear? Jay and I are hooking up. He takes me to parties, we have fun together. He doesn't ask me to live up to all these crazy expectations, unlike a certain ex-boyfriend of mine." She emphasized the _ex_ part.

Sean felt like something inside him broke at that moment… _'hooking up'? What_ _exactly did that mean? _If Jay was taking advantage of Emma, he'd… _what? What can you do? She sounds like she… wants.. this. God, that makes me sick to think that. _ But he couldn't just let it happen.

"Emma, WHAT do you mean you 'have fun together'. Is he taking advantage of you? I don't understand why you're being like this. Drinking, 'hooking up', what happened to you?"

"I'm just doing what you did. I don't have time for this Sean, just leave me alone. Think whatever you want about me. Now you know how it feels to watch someone throw their life away." With that last cutting remark, she was gone.

Sean's judgment was clouded by a red haze.. he could hardly think straight he was so angry. Only one thought was running through his mind… _I have to find Jay._


	4. Confessions & Conspiracies

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, CTV, characters, etc etc you know the drill.

Sean was on a mission. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when he found Jay, but he knew it wasn't going to be pretty. He came up to a corner and heard voices. He recognized the cockiness in Jay's voice right away. Sean was about to round the corner and confront Jay, when he heard the conversation and stopped short.

"We have got to confess Jay. I can't take it anymore."

"Ooooohh 'I can't take it anymore'." Jay mimicked. "GROW UP. How many times do I have to tell you, Rick deserved what we did to him. We didn't tell him to go shoot anyone!"

Sean couldn't believe what he was hearing.. _Jay pulled the prank on Rick? I should have known.. but who was the other voice?_ He continued to listen…

"No, we didn't tell him to go shoot anyone, but we pushed him over the edge, and you know it!!"

"We didn't pull the trigger, and that's what matters. Confessing will get us NOWHERE. Do you wanna end up in Juvie? Cuz I sure as hell don't. Been there, done that. If they find out we had anything to do with that prank, they'll blame us. They can't blame Rick, but you can bet they will blame us. If you're smart, you'll keep your mouth shut, or I'll shut it for you."

"I'm not scared of you Jay. My best friend is in a wheelchair because of us. Because of US. Maybe you can live with that, but I can't. I'm confessing."

"You'll regret this Spinner! One way or another. If you try and say I was involved, I'll deny everything. They'll believe me too – after all, it's not like you and I are exactly best friends."

_Spinner!?_ Sean thought _Spinner & Jay were in on the prank together?_

"Screw you Jay." As Spinner's footsteps faded into the distance, Sean stood dumbfounded. He was caught somewhere between shock and pure hatred. Jay, his supposed best friend had caused the single worst moment of several peoples' lives. And messed with Emma. Two things Sean just couldn't let go.

Sean struggled with what to do next. He knew that if Emma found out that Jay was the cause of her near death, it would solve that problem – she'd want nothing to do with Jay after that. But he also knew that Emma wasn't herself right now, and if he tried to tell her what he'd just heard, there was a good chance she wouldn't believe him. The only thing Sean knew for sure was that he needed to get Emma away from Jay. Permanently. He went off in search of the one person he thought could help him: Spinner.

He found Spinner sitting in the courtyard staring into space. One look told Sean that he'd been crying. Sean knew he'd have to tread carefully. He hoped he could keep his anger in check. After all, Spinner was one of the people responsible for the shooting, the thing that drove Sean away from Degrassi.

"Spinner."

"What do you want Sean?" Spinner quickly wiped away his tears.

"I know Spinner. I know about the prank you pulled on Rick."

Spinner looked horrified – "What? I don't.. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Relax, man. I also know you want to confess. And that Jay is threatening you. I heard his confession too."

Spinner let out a long breath and hung his head. "He.. he won't let me confess. If I do, he'll deny everything. He'll get away with it. I just don't know what to do."

"Well, I think I know a way we can make sure that Jay doesn't get away with it."

Spinner looked at Sean suspiciously "Why would you want to help me? I almost got you killed."

Sean took a deep breath. "Yeah, well, I'm not exactly your biggest fan, and you will get punished for what you did. But, I have more than one bone to pick with Jay. He's out of control, and I won't let him hurt anyone else."

Spinner looked at Sean quizzically "Does this have anything to do with him hooking up with Emma at the ravine?"

Sean's temper flared _this guy is just asking to be punched in the face…_

"That's none of your business. Besides, Emma hates me now."

"Dude, after you left Emma was devastated. Everyone just assumed it was because of the shooting, but one day I caught her staring at a picture of the two of you and crying. It wasn't too long after that she started in with Jay and his crew."

Sean felt a tug at his heart… _as if I didn't feel guilty enough where Emma was concerned, now I find out the Jay thing is all my fault. I have to fix this._

"Look, I said I have a plan, do you want to hear it or not?" Sean hid his heartache with irritation.

Spinner nodded. "Jay's going down."


	5. Small Steps

A week later, Emma sat in class, glaring at the back of Sean's head. _What, now he's the one ignoring me?_ She wasn't sure why she felt so offended, but she did.

One seat ahead of her, Sean was wondering how much longer he could keep ignoring Emma. He could feel her stare boring holes in the back of his head. Having to not speak to Emma was killing him, but it was all part of his plan. He needed to somehow set things up so that Emma would be hurt as little as possible when the truth about Jay came out. The problem was, he had no idea how to do that. During the past week, he'd realized something. _I still love Emma._ There. He'd said it. He'd been trying to deny it for weeks now, but there it was, staring him in the face. The realization had done terrible things for his plan. He needed to get Emma away from Jay as soon as possible. Finding out about Jay's part in the shooting would certainly do that. But there was that one selfish part of him that wanted Emma to choose him over Jay freely. Sean sighed. There'd be time for that later. For now, he'd do what he could. Luckily, he still remembered how to push Emma's buttons as well.

The bell rang, dismissing the last class of the day. Emma always marveled at the excitement everyone felt on a Friday afternoon. The air was almost charged with anticipation of the weekend. She sighed as she remembered the days she used to be like that. Running to her locker to meet Manny and plan that night's festivities. Or, she remembered, to meet Sean. _Dammit Emma, why don't you quit fooling yourself and realize that you still have feelings for Sean? _As always, she pushed the thought out of her mind. _How many times does he have to reject you before you realize he doesn't want you Emma? The only person who wants you, is Jay. Even if it's only for one reason.. at least he wants you._ She felt like a cartoon character, with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. It was an inner battle she'd been fighting ever since Sean came back. She'd felt a spark of hope when she'd heard Sean & Ellie had broken up, but he'd been ignoring her ever since. Not that she blamed him, she'd said some pretty nasty things to him when he first got back. She sighed again. She couldn't even wonder what she'd be doing tonight. She knew. Like always, she'd go to the ravine, with Jay, and do whatever it is he wanted to do, and she'd get drunk. Because that was really the only time she ever felt ok anymore – because everything was blurred, everything was numbed. It made the intensity of the pain she felt feel a little duller. As long as she could keep Jay from trying to push things too far – she'd be ok. She was amazed she had the self worth left to keep fighting him. She may be an empty shell of what she used to be, but she still had her boundaries. She started the long trek home, feeling so much older than her 15 years.

As Sean walked down the hall, he saw Spinner pacing nervously in the vicinity of his locker. As he neared him, Spinner reached out and dragged him into an empty classroom.

"Dude! You're late! Come on!!! Did you bring it!?!?!"

"Of course!!!" Sean pulled out the paper he'd printed out in MI class when Simpson wasn't looking. "Did you bring your part?" he asked

"Yeah. Yeah I got it right here. So, you still know the combination to Jay's locker, right?" Spinner replied.

"Of course." After checking the hall, they snuck to Jay's locker. Sean quickly spun the lock, and opened the locker. They quickly deposited the items in Jay's locker, shut and locked it, and left the school.

Sean looked at Spinner "That was the easy part. Now let's just stick to the plan."

Spinner nodded "You going to the ravine tonight? Jay's going to get suspicious if you don't."

Sean thought of Emma. "Oh, I'll be there."

Later that night, Emma sat in her usual spot on the picnic table. _God, how do these people do this every weekend!?_ Jay was off talking to some random girl. The girl was blonde, laughing and throwing her hair around, touching Jay's arm unnecessarily. _I should probably be jealous. But I could care less._ She watched as Jay broke away from the girl

"WELL WELL WELL. Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!"

Emma drew a sharp intake of breath as Sean entered the ravine. Of course, it only took about 3.5 seconds before they made eye contact. Emma's heart jumped in her chest. Little did she know, so did Sean's. At that point, he knew he had to talk to her. Forget that part of the plan.

"Sean, I've hardly seen you since you got back. You avoiding me or something?"

Sean turned his attention back to Jay "What? Oh… no man, I just had a bunch of stuff to deal with when I got back. Broke up with Ellie, so I needed to find a new place to live, get caught up at school and stuff.. But it's good to be back." _I've never told so many lies in one conversation before…_ "So, what's new with you Jay? I hear your dating Emma. How the hell did that happen?"

"Ah, you know… she wanted a little of the Jay action… she's gotten kinda hot, so I thought why not?" Jay laughed.

It took all Sean's strength not to lose his cool and pretend he was amused by Jay's cocky attitude. He nodded and said "Well, I'll see you around man, I'm gonna go grab a beer."

"Later." Jay replied.

Sean needed to cool down before he tried to talk to Jay again. Or talk to Emma.

He wandered around for a few minutes, saying hello to random people before he took a seat on the lower part of the picnic table Emma was sitting on.

"Hey" he ventured.

"Hey" Emma replied.

_Well, she isn't yelling yet.. this is a good start._ Sean thought.

"Emma…"

"Sean…." They both spoke at once.

"Sorry, go ahead" Emma said.

"I was just going to say.. can we.. can we talk?"

She sighed "Sean.. I …. I just don't know what we could possibly have to say to each other. But.. Ok, let's go somewhere."


	6. Scars

**DISCLAIMER:** You know the drill. This chapter contains Papa Roach lyrics (as mentioned in the first chapter disclaimer) which I DO NOT OWN. I also do not own Degrassi or anything affiliated with it.

As they walked along the tiny path, Emma's mind was racing with what she was going to say to Sean. Or, more importantly, what he was going to say to her. She couldn't figure out why he wanted to talk to her at all. Neither of them spoke for a long time, the only sounds they heard were the snapping of the twigs under their feet and the now distant noises of the party. It struck her how amazing it was that even after all this time, after everything she & Sean had been through, she still felt comfortable just walking in silence with him. It was both comforting and sad at the same time.

At that moment, Sean stopped walking. He turned to her and asked. "Emma, can we just be honest here? Please? No attitudes, no fighting.. just honest?"

She was silent a moment, then "Yes.. yeah, I think we can. We can try anyway."

"Ok. Umm.. I just.. I need to know… What are you doing, Emma? What happened to you? When did you become so.. broken??"

"I… I don't know what you mean, Sean. I've changed… but I'm ok." Emma replied. _Great, good job Emma, you're lying already.._

"Don't lie Emma!" Sean struggled to keep his cool. "Those lies might work on people that don't know you very well, like Jay, but cut the crap .This is me we're talking about. I know you."

The comment made Emma struggle to keep a razor thin hold on her temper. She couldn't help it, though she'd forgiven Sean for last year, it didn't mean she'd completely healed.

"You know me Sean? You think that you know me? Newsflash – you don't. Not anymore. You left. Remember? You were gone for a long time. A lot can change in two months, Sean a lot. Including me. I couldn't… I couldn't be that way… anymore. I needed to not be that girl."

"What was so wrong with the way you were, Emma? The Old Emma, she was the best person I've ever known. She cared about things, and about people. She befriended people no one else would, and stuck up for people and things who couldn't stick up for themselves. Look at what she did for me." Sean smiled slightly at the memories that came flooding back. Emma helping him study, Emma standing up for him. The couch, the movies, 'double cheese'.

"Yeah, and look where it got me Sean. You dumped me, because I spent too much time caring for everyone else, and not enough time caring for you. Then, I almost.. " she choked "I almost got you killed Sean. Because Emma Nelson – Cause Girl - just **couldn't** leave well enough alone. I actually felt sorry for Rick. He was an abuser, he hurt Terri, but I was nice to him anyway because it was 'the right thing to do'. I.. I think I led him on. And you almost died because of it. And then.. and then you left. So not only did I ruin my own life, I ruined other peoples' too. I ruined your life, and Ellie's, and.. and Jimmy's, and probably Toby's and it was all my fault. If I hadn't been so busy 'caring' and 'doing the right thing', none of this would have happened. Why would I want to be that girl anymore? I don't. I can't." she was sobbing now.

Sean felt like his heart was going to stop if he didn't put his arms around Emma, so he did. She stiffened, but soon melted into his embrace. Sean couldn't remember the last time something felt so right. But his heart was breaking for Emma.

"Em. Em, look at me." He titled her chin up and looked into her eyes. "What Rick did, was not your fault." She started to shake her head "**It was not your fault**!!" he said forcefully. "He was sick Emma. If it's anyone's fault other than Rick's, it's J.. whoever pulled the prank on him. Being nice to someone does not turn them into a killer Emma. You did not do that to him. You have got to believe that. You have such a good heart. You can't turn away a person in need. That doesn't make you bad Emma, it makes you who you are. You're so beautiful, and so kind. The girl I knew had this amazing light in her eyes. It was this sparkle. And that light, it always gave her mood away. It was like a mood ring. I knew those eyes like the back of my hand. What they looked like when you were angry, happy, determined, sad, excited. But the thing is Emma, that light is gone. I don't… I don't see it anymore. I can't read you. Your eyes, they're just stuck on 'sad'. And I want to help you get that light back. You need to get it back."

"You can't Sean. It's too late. So much has happened.." Emma started to pull away

"No! Emma, it's not too late!" Sean was growing desperate. He could see he was losing her.

"**It is** Sean. I.. the things I've done.. since you left, you wouldn't even believe." She hung her head. _I'm so ashamed._

"What? Do you mean Jay? Emma, I don't give a shit about Jay. He took advantage of you. He saw you weren't yourself, and he used that. It's what he **does**." Sean sighed "He doesn't care about you, Emma. Not the way… not the way I do."

Emma's eyes grew wide, and then narrowed. "Oh really Sean, and how is that? Enough to break my heart? To humiliate me in front of your friends, to spit on me? To steal from my father to get back at me? To start dating someone else, to move in with her, to tell her you love her right in front of me? If that's the kind of caring you're talking about, then you can keep it." She started to walk away.

"Emma… I apologized for all that. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. Please." desperation seeped into his voice

She whirled around "You know what Sean, you're right. Jay won't ever care about me. I'll never be more to him than another one of his Bracelet Girls. I know that. But you know what? I **like** that. Because at least that way, he can never break my heart. I can't say the same for you." She started back to the party again.

"EMMA! Please, stop." He was pleading now, on the verge of tears.

She stopped again, but didn't turn.

He knew if he didn't say this now, he might lose everything. "Emma, I love you. I love you. Please."

Tears were streaming down her face, but she still didn't turn around. "Go to hell Sean. Go to hell. Just leave me alone."

She stormed off. By this time, they were nearly back at the party. Sean just stood there in agony, not sure what to do next. He heard a stereo start blasting from the party, probably Jay's stereo. As time stood still, he listened to the lyrics of the song. And the tattered remains of his heart broke a little more.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut _

_My weakness is that I care too much _

_My scars remind me that the past is real _

_I tear my heart open just to feel_

_Drunk and I'm feeling down _

_And I just wanna be alone _

_I'm pissed cause you came around _

_Why don't you just go home _

_Cause you channel all your pain _

_And I can't help you fix yourself _

_Your making me insane _

_All I can say is… _

_I tried to help you once _

_Against my own advice _

_I saw you going down _

_But you never realized _

_That you're drowning in the water _

_So I offered you my hand _

_Compassion's in my nature _

_Tonight is our last stand _

_I'm drunk and I'm feeling down _

_And I just wanna be alone _

_You should have never come around _

_Why don't you just go home? _

_Cause your drowning in the water _

_And I tried to grab your hand _

_And I left my heart open _

_But you didn't understand _

_But you didn't understand _

_You fix yourself _

_I can't help you fix yourself _

_But at least I can say I tried _

_I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life _

_I can't help you fix yourself _

_But at least I can say I tried _

_I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life_

Sean felt tears run down his cheeks as he marveled at the appropriateness of the song, how in the beginning, it was Emma trying to help him, and he'd pushed her away. Now he needed desperately to help Emma, but she was turning away from him. Frustration coursed through him. He crumpled the can he was holding and threw it in the bushes. He stalked back through the party, noticing that while Jay was still there, hitting on some girl, Emma was gone. _At least she hadn't run to Jay, _was all he could think. He left the party without so much as a word to his former best friend.

Monday at school, Jay walked towards his locker. It had been a great weekend, except for the fact that Emma, his latest conquest, hadn't been answering his calls all weekend. No big deal, he liked a challenge. He spun the combination on his locker and pulled it open. He was surprised when two items fell out. He bent to pick them up. _What the hell is a feather doing in my locker?_ He picked up the piece of paper that had fallen out with the feather. He unfolded it and glared at the contents. In bright yellow ink were the words: "I KNOW IT WAS YOU.". Jay crumpled the note. He was more than a little annoyed. He stalked off to find Spinner…


	7. Admissions

**A/N:** Short chapter, sorry!  Thanks for all the awesome reviews, they keep me motivated!!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Degrassi, etc.

Spinner stood nervously by his locker, knowing that at any minute Jay would be coming for him.

He took a deep breath _You can do this Spin… Jay's not that scary.. he's… ah who are you kidding he's freakin terrifying. And you are so dead!_

He glanced down the hallway and saw Jimmy wheel himself around the corner. The sight of his best friend in a wheelchair strengthened his resolve, and when Jay did finally appear he was neither surprised, nor unprepared. He was ready.

Jay grabbed him by the throat and dragged him into the empty MI Lab. _So far so good _Spinner thought as his heart nearly pounded out of his chest.

"Jay, what the hell are you doing man?"

Jay had hauled him off his feet by his shirtfront and they were now nose to nose. Spinner could feel Jay's breath hot on his face as Jay's chest heaved with anger.

"What the hell did you put in my locker, _Gavin_?" Jay demanded.

"…What are you talking about _Jason_? Let me go!"

Jay pulled the note and feather out of his pocket and shoved it in Spinner's face, tightening his hold on him. "I'm talking about _this_ assmunch! 'I KNOW IT WAS YOU' ? Come on, is that the best you could come up with? That's a little 'teen movie', don't you think??"

"Dude, I did not put that in your locker!! Maybe someone knows what we did." Spinner was genuinely panicked, even though it had nothing to do with being found out, so he knew it sounded realistic.

"Don't mess with me man, nobody knows! Rick thought Jimmy pulled the prank." Jay replied

"Yeah, because _you_ made him think that!!"

"Look, I didn't _tell_ Rick that Jimmy did it, I just happened to mention Jimmy.. and the prank.. within earshot of Rick, when I knew he was listening, and would maybe take it that way." Jay shrugged and Spinner swore he smirked a little.

"Jay – don't you feel even a little bit guilty?? Jimmy had nothing to do with the prank. It was you, and it was me. And it's our fault that Jimmy will never walk again. He was my _best friend_ Jay. And I got him shot. And paralyzed. And what about you? Sean was your best friend, and you almost got him killed. He left because of what we did! Don't you care!?" Spinner's voice was shaking as he confronted Jay.

For a brief second, something Spinner thought was guilt crossed Jay's face.

"Man, Rick got what he deserved. So we dumped feathers and paint on him, so what. We didn't say 'here Rick, go shoot people'. I think it was the best idea I've ever had. What, did you forget what Rick did to Terri? As for Jimmy and Sean, yeah. I feel bad. But do you think I'd have planned the prank, or made Rick think Jimmy did it, or any of that if I knew for one second that the kid was psycho?"

Spinner shook his head "That doesn't change what happened Jay. It doesn't bring back Sean, it won't fix Toby's nightmares, it won't make Emma ok, and it sure as hell doesn't help Jimmy walk again. Look dude, I didn't put that stuff in your locker."

Jay looked long and hard at him "You better be telling the truth. Because if I found out you did…." He trailed off and stalked out of the room.

Spinner let out the breath if felt like he'd been holding ever since Jay grabbed him. He waited until he was sure Jay was gone.

"He's gone." He said in a low voice.

Sean stepped out from his crouching place behind the teacher's desk. He went over to Mr. Simpson's computer and made a few clicks. He spun the screen around so Spinner could see. Jay and Spinner appeared on the screen, and Jay's every word was clearly immortalized on screen.

Spinner gave Sean a small smile. "Thank God for modern technology!"

"Looks like all the training Simpson gave me over the summer on this thing really paid off." He clicked a few more times, and then ejected a CD. "Can't have too many backups".

_Well, the hardest part is over. Now I just have to wait for the perfect time to expose Jay._ Sean thought. After checking to make sure Jay was nowhere in sight, he walked out of the lab, and ran smack into Emma. She gasped, and a brief expression crossed her face before she had time to hide it. Sean couldn't quite decipher it, but he thought it looked a little like.. happiness. The look was quickly replaced by panic, and without a word, she continued along the hallway. Sean felt a small stab of pain.. but he ignored it. He did however glance behind him in time to see Emma looking behind her, staring at him. As their eyes met, she held his gaze for a brief moment, unspoken words passing between them, before breaking the spell and walking away.

Sean shook his head and continued on his way, he had final preparations to make.

Emma walked along the hall, deep in thought after her encounter with Sean. She'd been replaying Friday night's conversation in her head constantly ever since it happened. Their confrontation had snapped Emma out of the haze she'd been in ever since the shooting. After 3 years, Sean had finally said the three words she'd wanted so desperately to hear from him. And she'd told him to go to hell. _Stupid Emma, Stupid!_ She'd hated telling a flat-out lie to Sean's face, but that's what she'd done by denying her feelings for him. It didn't change anything though, she knew she wasn't good enough for Sean anymore. Funny, so many people had tried to convince her Sean wasn't good enough for her, back when he was a 'bad boy'. But Emma knew better. She knew he had an incredible heart. Now it was her heart she wasn't sure about. It was so battered, she didn't know how much more it could take, and she thought it was inevitable that if she told Sean how he felt, he'd leave her when he found out she was no longer Virtuous Emma. Who would want her if they knew what she'd done with Jay? For some reason, she didn't care what anyone thought of her.. anyone but Sean. And she knew she had to do something. After seeing the look on Sean's face, the pain when he looked at her, she knew she had to tell him how she felt. She owed him at least that. After that, when everything fell apart and he told her didn't want her, at least he'd have one good memory of her to hold on to. But first, she had to find Jay.


	8. Jumping to Conclusions

**A/N: **Some of the happenings in this chapter happen offscreen (Or, in this case – off paper?). It's based on some of the things that happened in Secrets part 2. So, spoilers if you haven't seen it.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Degrassi, etc.

Emma wasn't sure exactly what she was going to say when she found Jay. She ran over and over the possibilities in head, but no matter which one she chose, she knew one thing for sure, he was going be livid. She realized that a tiny part of her hoped that she _wouldn't_ find him, but as she rounded the corner, she saw him leaning against his locker. She took a deep breath and approached him.

"Jay, can we talk?" her heart was racing, but she knew that she had to do this.

Jay turned, and started to smirk.

"Hey, Greenpeace. Long time no see. I was beginning to think you were avoiding me."

Emma laughed nervously, "No, no.. I wasn't. Look, Jay I.."

At that point Jay rubbed his hands lightly up and down her arms. He leaned in, close to her ear and said softly "Hey, I get it, it's ok. You heard about Alex and that she's sick. And I know you're worried that you have it too. But you still can't get enough of me, can you?"

Emma physically shuddered at the feeling of Jay's breath in her ear. She took a step back

"God! JAY! No! Do you really think I'd want to be with you after I found out about Alex?? Look, I was just as stupid as you were, you're not the only one to blame, that doesn't make you a good person.. but I take responsibility too. But no, what I came to tell you is that our little.. game...? It's over, and…"

At that moment, Sean came around the corner. Emma trailed off and watched as Sean walked by. The look he was giving Emma and Jay could puncture three inches of titanium. He looked like he wanted to kill someone… preferably Jay.

Jay took one look at Sean's face, then he looked back at Emma, realization dawning. For a brief second, Emma thought she saw a flash of hurt cross his face, but his expression quickly iced over "Wait, wait, wait a minute here… I get it!" He glared at Emma "You still have a thing for Cameron!! Ha! I don't believe this!! You're breaking it off with me now that Sean is back." His face twisted into an almost evil sneer, and he grabbed Emma's arm and said in a low voice "I'm nobody's stand-in. Do you _really_ think he's going to want you Emma? Now that I've had you? Probably not. I mean, Ellie's a bit of a freak, but at least she's not diseased, right? And they're alike Emma, she understands him like you never will. You know what? Most girls would kill to be with me. No one breaks it off with me Emma, no one."

By this point, Emma was too hurt, insulted, and angry to be afraid.

She glared at Jay and said furiously "You don't scare me Jay. You gave me an STD! There's nothing else you could possibly do to me that's worse than that."

Jay laughed "You have no idea. But hey, you were good for a first timer Emma, real good."

Emma drew in a sharp breath, glared again, and spit in his face.

"Here Jay, take your dirty disease back." She threw back the bracelet he'd given her.

Jay jerked back in shock "You little bitch!!" he grabbed for her, but she just walked away.

Other students that saw the confrontation stared in shock. They couldn't believe what they'd just seen.

Unfortunately Sean hadn't seen the confrontation – he was on his way to his own locker, and was still fuming over seeing Emma and Jay talking in the hallway. He had hoped Emma would leave Jay on her own but now, he thought, it was clear that wasn't going to happen. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and jolted in surprise. For a brief second, his heart leapt, as he thought it might be Emma. But he turned and saw Ellie standing there.

"Ellie.. hey" he ventured nervously, not sure what to expect.

"Hi." Ellie said. She held out a hoodie. "I just found this when I was unpacking, it must have gotten thrown in with my stuff by accident."

Sean reached for the hoodie. "Thanks Ellie."

She looked at him for a moment, and it seemed she had more to say, but Sean spoke first.

"Look, Ellie.. I… I just wanted to apologize. For hurting you. I'm really sorry. And I want you to know that I care about you a lot. And I always will. I want what's best for you – always."

Ellie scoffed a little, but then softened. She closed her eyes briefly and gave an almost imperceptible nod "I know Sean. That doesn't mean I've forgiven you, or stopped wanting to cause you physical pain…" she smiled a little "But, I kind of understand. I can't make you love me, Sean. I've seen you and Emma together… I tried to ignore it when we were together, but no matter what you two are doing, if you're within 10 feet of each other, the air is like, charged. You two could set fires wherever you go. And I've kind of realized, that maybe.. maybe you and I are too much alike to be together forever. Two wrongs can't make a right, huh? But I think.. I hope.. that someday, when it doesn't hurt so much, we can be friends. Because you really do understand me Sean. And I like to think that I understand you too."

Sean nodded "You do."

Ellie nodded, and turned away. She had to, before she started to cry again. And with that, she was gone.

A group of students walked by, gossiping loudly.

"Did you see that? Emma just spit in Jay's face!!!"

Sean couldn't believe what he'd heard. He was still in shock, and turned around to find Emma standing right there. She'd seen Sean talking to Ellie, and now she wasn't sure what to think.

"Emma, is that true? Did you spit on Jay?" Sean tried to keep the grin off his face, but found he couldn't.

She nodded "I… learned from the best" She smiled back, even though the memory of Sean spitting on her was not a happy one.

"Why?"

"Because I don't like who I am when I'm around him. That, and… other reasons… plus, he said something really insulting."

Sean was confused, and angry "What did he say? Why did he suddenly turn on you?"

"Because he saw the way we… " She sighed, deciding not to say anything "I don't know why, he just did."

Sean looked at her "Saw the way we what, Emma?"

She thought of what Jay said about Sean and Ellie "Nevermind, Sean, it doesn't matter. I, I have to go to class."

"Emma, wait. Emma!!!"

For the umpteenth time since he'd returned, Sean found himself staring after Emma, thinking his heart couldn't take much more of this. _What had Jay seen between him and Emma? _He wondered.


	9. Visits

**A/N: **Ha! Thanks to whoever pointed out my error, of course Stupid Girl is by Garbage!! Oops! One of my favorite bands too, how embarrassing. I knew that didn't sound right, I just knew it was a band from back in the day. ;) Apparently I'm the stupid girl. :D Thanks!!!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Degrassi, etc.

Emma sat in class, not paying one iota of attention to what the teacher was saying. Her thoughts drifted to Sean, once again. She couldn't believe that just a few weeks ago, her mind had been empty, devoid of all thoughts, hopes, anything. She still couldn't concentrate, but at least her mind was filled with something other than self-loathing. She felt like she was watching one of flashback scenes in a movie, where a random montage of a character's memories flashed across the screen. _Sean laughing, Sean grabbing her hand, Sean waiting for her at her locker, the ravine…_ her spine tingled at that memory in particular. Her next thought was that if this montage was set to music, "Stupid Girl" by Garbage would be playing loud and clear. God, what had she been thinking, hurting Sean so badly? _Well, _she thought, _at least if I tell him that I love him too, he'll know that much. _

Emma heard the bell ring, and she slowly made her way into the crowded hallway - happily back in her daydream. Something else snapped her out of it this time – it was the mention of Sean's name, and the person saying it was Ashley Kerwin.

"So El, you think you and Sean are over for good?"

"No, I don't think we are. I know we are. Sean… he… loves someone else."

Even though Sean had told Emma felt about her, it was almost surreal to hear it from someone else. A slow smile spread across her face, but quickly faded at her next thought. _That doesn't change the fact that you aren't good enough for Sean anymore, remember? Damaged goods._

Emma turned and leaned against the wall, sunk to the floor, and tried to shut out the world.

Sean was in another hallway, but for once it wasn't Emma he was looking for. He finally found the person he was looking for.

"Hey – Marco!" he ran to catch up with him.

"Sean." Marco nodded and signaled to Jimmy and Hazel to go on without him.

"Hey, so you're sure you can pull this off?" Sean handed him a copy of the CD after checking to make sure no one would see the exchange.

"Sean, man, I'm student council president, I can do whatever I want!" Marco grinned.

"Look, I know we haven't always gotten along, so I really appreciate you risking your neck to do this." Sean thanked him.

"It's cool man. Besides, I'm doing this for Jimmy. Tomorrow is going to be **very** interesting."

With a quick handshake, they parted. Sean took a deep breath. _No turning back now._

That night, Sean sat on his couch, staring blankly at the TV. A salesman was talking about some kind of amazing Wonder Solvent that could remove red wine from white carpet, but Sean didn't hear a word of it. He had too much on his mind. He was thinking about what the next day would bring, and how many lives would be changed. He felt guilty in a way. Jay really wasn't all bad, and they had been best friends at one point. But Jay needed to realize that actions have consequences, even for him. And if he wouldn't take responsibility on his own, Sean would leave him no choice. The other thing on his mind was of course Emma. He knew she had some sort of feelings for him, otherwise she wouldn't clam up every time she saw him. But, she didn't love him. If she loved him, she would tell him. That's just how Emma worked. _Well, _he thought, _at least she's not with Jay anymore. _He tried to tell himself that the reason he was happy about that was because Jay was all wrong for her, and would only end up hurting her in the end. But in reality, he was jealous as hell, and he knew it. But what did it matter? He loved a girl who didn't love him back; it was as simple as that.

Emma stood on the familiar doorstep. She'd been standing there for five minutes, trying to get up the courage to knock. _Get a grip, Emma! You announced that you had your period in front of the entire class, and you can't knock on one freaking door?_ She took a deep breath and knocked, and forced her feet to stay planted on the small step. When no one answered, she felt a small rush of relief, and turned to leave. As she turned, the door opened.

Sean thought he was dreaming. He almost hadn't heard the soft knock at the door, he'd been lost in thoughts of Emma, and now here she was on his doorstep.

"Hey." Sean spoke tentatively.

"Hey. I didn't think you were home." There was no mistaking the nervousness in her voice.

"Yeah, sorry.. TV was loud."

"Oh."

"Uhh.. do you want to come in?" Sean tried to calm his racing heart._ For God's sake Cameron, you're not fourteen anymore!!_

"Sure." Emma said, and stepped inside.

Emma walked over to the couch and sat down. As thoughts of all the times they'd spent on this exact couch ran through her mind, and thoughts of all the times he & Ellie had probably spend on it, she realized that this was probably not the ideal place to sit.

"So, can I get you something to drink? I haven't really gone shopping lately.. but.. I've got… a half empty Pepsi and… hmm.. well.. how about water?" he gave her a small smile.

Emma returned the smile "no thanks.. I'm fine."

Sean sat beside Emma on the couch and turned to her.

"So.. Emma… why are you here?" Sean knew the best way to get Emma to fess up to something was to be direct. He also knew he was still damn angry about the way she'd been treating him.

"Would you believe I had a question about history?" Emma ventured weakly

Sean shook his head "You, a school question for me? Nope." He smiled.

She took a deep breath. "Didn't think so. Well. I came to tell you.. I mean I guess what I want you to know is that I lied Sean. I lied to you."

Sean's eyes narrowed and he looked away. If there was one thing he hated, it was being lied to. "Emma, what did you lie to me about?"

Emma stood up and started pacing. Her next words came out in a rush. "Well, I mean, nothing really.. it's not like I intentionally lied to you.. I didn't say anything that was untrue, it was more of a lie by omission really. I mean, yes, I love you, but just because I didn't **say** that doesn't mean I lied... people do it in the movies all the time, and I was nervous, and angry, and I've never had anyone say those words, and they're pretty monumental things to hear coming from someone you thought basically hated you."

Sean's head snapped up. "Wha.. what did you just say?"

"That I thought you hated me?"

"No, the part before that". The look Sean was giving her was so intense she was sure she'd burst into flames.

"That.. that I love you?"

Sean grinned "yeah, that part". He rushed towards Emma and grabbed her. Before she knew what was happening, Sean's lips were on hers. His hands were in her hair, and she remembered that he'd always loved her hair. Emma returned his kiss wholeheartedly. They sunk back onto the couch, not leaving each other's arms. Emma couldn't remember ever feeling this alive. Ever nerve in her body was humming and she swore she saw fireworks. She was happily in the moment, until her conscience starting gnawing at her. She regretfully pulled away and stood.


	10. Love & Honesty

**Disclaimer: **See last 9 chapters. No affiliation with Degrassi. At all.

Sean stared at her, breathing hard, and reached for her again, but she stopped him.

"Sean.. I can't."

He looked at her, a thousand questions in his eyes. "What are you talking about? Why?"

Emma sighed. "Because of all the reasons we talked about at the ravine, Sean. I'm not the same person I used to be."

Sean's felt his stomach clench. "Yes, Emma, and I told you all the reasons why that doesn't matter to me".

Tears began to form in Emma's eyes and she turned away "But Sean, I haven't told you everything. About.. about Jay, and the things that happened between us. I did some unforgivable things. Things you'd never expect."

Sean went to Emma and gently turned her to face him. "Emma, I saw the bracelet. I know what that means. I've done some things in the past I'm not too proud of either. But what matters is that we love each other."

Emma was still crying "Sean you don't understand. I.. I got sick. Jay, he gave me.. he gave me something."

Sean felt like he'd been punched. He took a step back. _Reason number 1,982 to kick the living crap out of Jay. _"He.. he what? My God, Em! Are you ok!?!?!"

Emma sniffed "Yeah.. yeah luckily it's one of the treatable ones.. but still.. Sean.. why.. why would you want me? I'm damaged goods.".

What was left of Sean's temper snapped. "WHAT?! Emma, what the hell would make you think that!?"

Emma looked up "Well, Jay said.."

"JAY SAID? What exactly did Jay say to you that has you believing crap like that?!"

"He.. he knew how we felt about each other because he saw the way we looked at each other… and he got angry, and told me that you wouldn't want me now that he had had me".

Sean was astonished. Anger coursed through him, throbbing and violent. He closed his eyes and tried to reign in his temper.

"Emma. Please tell me that you don't believe that. Do.. do you really think that little of me?"

"No! Sean, it's not you…" Emma fought to explain what now sounded so ridiculous, even to herself.

"Well, it kinda feels that way. Dammit, I told you that I love you! Doesn't that mean anything? I don't take those words lightly. There are no conditions to that. No fine print. You know what my life has been like; I haven't exactly been surrounded by people who love me. But that helped me realize what love really is. And that I'll fight like hell to keep it. Our past helps make us who we are, Emma, but it doesn't define who we're going to be. I'm not going to let you keep walking away from me." He took a deep breath, and asked the one question that meant everything "Do you love me? I mean really love me?"

Emma's eyes were swimming with tears, as they did so often lately. "With all my heart." She answered simply.

He took her hand and stared into her eyes. "Then, for me, that's enough. It will always be enough."

Emma started to argue "But, I.." Sean cut her off "It's enough."

With a sob, Emma threw herself into Sean's arms.

He sighed a huge sigh of relief, and held onto Emma with everything he had. He stroked her hair absently, while murmuring promises to her.

A minute later, Emma's face was buried in Sean's shoulder as she suddenly started to laugh.

"Something funny?" Sean asked with a smile.

She pulled back and smiled through her tears "I was just thinking that you don't talk very much, but when you do, it's amazing. You always know exactly what to say."

He shrugged "I don't believe in talking much unless what you have to say is important. I seem to have a lot to say to you. Well, that and you are kind of a pushover."

She smacked him lightly on the arm and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you're just irresistible!"

Sean gave Emma a cocky half smile "Apparently to you I am!" then spun away as Emma tried unsuccessfully to land another hit.

Instead Sean grabbed her and kissed her again. They sat back down on the couch.

"I've missed you. So much."

"Me too. I didn't even realize exactly how much until now. Thank you Sean."

He raised an eyebrow "For what?"

"For saving me."

He smiled. "Just returning the favor, for all the times you saved me." She returned his smile and hugged him a little tighter.

He was quiet for another moment "Do you know the exact moment I realized I was still in love with you?"

Emma shook her head slightly.

"When we were in Wasaga Beach and I almost drowned. When I came to, the first person I saw was you. And I realized that was the way it was meant to be. That's why when you came over to me later, I apologized to you. Because I'd been thinking about you. The problem was - Ellie.. I care a lot about her. I stayed in Wasaga Beach for those months because I knew I couldn't come back and be with her, but she lived here, and as much as my staying in Wasaga hurt her, it would be worse if I came back and broke up with her to be with you. I just didn't know what to do."

Emma put her hand on his arm "What made you decide?"

Sean looked at her "I didn't really. When I came back, I convinced myself that I wasn't actually in love with you. That I had just suffered two near death experiences with you, and that caused the way I was feeling. But I knew something had pulled me back to Toronto. And when I saw you with Jay and wanted to strangle him, well... I knew it was you. I knew I'd been fooling myself all along. That, and you're pretty damn sexy in the new clothes you've been wearing. Couldn't stay away." His face split into a grin.

Emma laid her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around her, and they stayed like that, content in silence for what seemed like hours.

Finally, Emma spoke "Sean, promise me you'll always be honest with me, no matter what."

"I promise." Sean replied. He paused.. "… speaking of honesty… there's something you need to know. About the shooting - and Jay."

**A/N: **Major fluffiness here, but I couldn't hold out anymore, it was killing me! I gotta have my Emma/Sean!! :)


	11. It Begins

**Disclaimer:** The usual.

Emma sat in silence as Sean poured out the entire story from the beginning; how he'd overheard Spinner and Jay, how he'd convinced Spinner to set Jay up, and what was going to happen tomorrow. When he was finished, he looked nervously at Emma to see her reaction.

She started at him for a moment, deep in thought. When she finally spoke, her voice was shaky…

"You're saying I..I hooked up with the person who is partly responsible for…"

"You almost getting shot? Yeah, unfortunately."

Emma gave a small laugh. "I was going to say 'the person who is partly responsible for you leaving'." She took a shaky breath and continued "Well, I wish I could say I was surprised, but the truth is I'm not. I think that a part of me always knew Jay was involved. I mean, if there's anyone who is good at making people's lives difficult, it's Jay."

Sean nodded. "Yeah. I just wish I'd been here to keep him from adding you to his list of lives made difficult."

She gave his hand a squeeze "Sean, I'm a big girl, any mistakes I made are my own."

He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"So" she asked, "what time is the 'show' tomorrow?"

"2:00."

"Is it harsh of me to say I can't wait?"

"Nope. I'm sure not going to lose much sleep over it. I feel more sorry for everyone else this is going to affect than I do for Jay." Sean replied.

Emma nodded, then leaned against Sean. She felt more relaxed than she had in months. She had almost drifted off to sleep when she realized her Mom would freak out if she didn't return home.

She sat up, stretching. She noticed Sean was fast asleep already. She smiled at his sleeping form, then leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.

After rummaging around in the kitchen for awhile, she found a paper and pen and scribbled a quick note. She then went into his bedroom and got his alarm clock, putting it on the coffee table, and setting it for 7:30 am so he wouldn't be late. She let herself out quietly, taking one last look at Sean and smiling.

Sean heard a shrill ringing in the distance. He reached over and smacked his alarm, and opened his eyes, struggling to bring them into focus. He sat up suddenly, surprised to see light streaming through the curtains. He jumped up, frantic, thinking he was late for school. _What time is it!? _Normally, being late wouldn't bother him, but today, today was different. A cold feeling settled over him suddenly as he realized he was alone. For a brief, heartbreaking moment, he thought he'd dreamt everything the night before. _But, how did my alarm clock get out here?_ He noticed a note propped against the clock and quickly skimmed it.

_Sean,_

_I had to go. I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful. I never told Mom where I was going, she'll kill me if she finds me gone. I'll see you at school._

_Love Emma. XO_

Sean couldn't contain his grin. He hadn't dreamt it after all. Last night was real. Emma was his again, andsounding a little more like her old self every day. As he was reminded of what was to happen today, he sighed and started to get ready for school.

Classes that morning seemed to drag by. Finally it was lunch, which meant time with Emma. Once they got used to all the surprised glances and comments at seeing them together, they were able to enjoy themselves, just like old times. That is until Jay saw them together.

He walked over to the twosome and sneered "Well well.. if it isn't the happy couple, reunited at last."

Emma glared "Get lost Jay."

Jay looked sharply at Emma "What's wrong Greenpeace, don't want me to spill our little secret to your boyfriend?"

Emma gave Sean a 'just play along' look, then feigned surprise "Jay! You wouldn't!!"

"You don't think so? Watch me." Jay replied "So Cameron, while you were away, your precious Emma and I.. we had a few good times. Getting busy in the back of a van at the ravine." He gave a triumphant smile.

Sean stood up and threw a look at Emma. "You…you.. you what!?!?! Emma!? How could you????"

Jay stood back and grinned at how well his 'plan' had worked.

Suddenly, Sean turned to Jay, took a step closer, and grabbed the front of Jay's shirt. Giving a cocky half smile, Sean lowered his voice and said "Look you selfish son of a bitch, Emma and I love each other. I know that you aren't capable of love, and will never know what that means, but let me tell you something about it. People in love, they tell each other everything. The good, the bad, the ugly, everything. I know what happened with you and Emma. All of it. And I don't care. The only regret I have is that I wasn't here to kick your ass sooner. And that I was ever a friend to your sorry ass." He shoved Jay away from him and raised his fist.

Jay was completely dumbfounded. Before he could recover, he saw Sean about to punch him. As he braced himself to fight back, Emma stepped between Jay and Sean.

She placed a hand on Sean's chest. "Sean, let's go. He's not worth it.". The instant she touched him, the angry fire went out of his eyes. He nodded, grabbed her hand, and for the first time in his life, Sean walked away. He turned around and threw Jay one last glare. Jay stood rooted to his spot, not sure exactly what had just happened. Then, angrily, he stormed off in the other direction, pushing past Alex when she tried to stop him.

As Sean and Emma walked down the hallway, Emma couldn't stop laughing. "Sean, that was priceless. The look on his face… he never saw that coming!!"

"Little does he know, he day is about to get a lot worse." He looked at her and smiled. "It's good to hear you laugh Em, it's been too long."

Emma scrunched up her nose at him and gave him a quick kiss. "T-minus 1 hour, 10 minutes until the fireworks start!"

"Yep, everything is a go, I checked before lunch."

He winked at her, and hand in hand they headed to their next class.


	12. It Ends And Life Begins Again

**A/N:** This will be the last chapter! Thanks for reading and for the wonderful reviews everyone!!!

**Disclaimer:** The usual.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. _

Sean wasn't sure if it was the clock he was hearing, or the metaphorical time bomb that would bring Jay down. He was starting to get nervous. What if something went wrong? What if Marco didn't get a chance to do what he was supposed to? What if…?

He took a deep breath and looked over at Emma. She gave him her trademark 'reassuring smile', and he forgot whatever he'd just been thinking about. He looked at the clock. 1:55. Any minute now…

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

On cue, the TV monitor used for morning announcements switched on.

Mrs. Kwan abruptly quit teaching her lesson and turned around, giving the screen a puzzled look. She walked over to shut the screen off, thinking it was just a technical glitch. Suddenly, Jay & Spinner appeared on the screen. Everyone stared in stunned silence, and Mrs. Kwan's hand stopped in mid air.

"_Don't mess with me man, nobody knows! Rick thought Jimmy pulled the prank." _

"_Yeah, because you made him think that!!" _

"_Look, I didn't tell Rick that Jimmy did it, I just happened to mention Jimmy.. and the prank.. within earshot of Rick, when I knew he was listening, and would maybe take it that way." _

_"Jay – don't you feel even a little bit guilty?? Jimmy had nothing to do with the prank. It was you, and it was me. And it's our fault that Jimmy will never walk again. He was my best friend Jay. And I got him shot. And paralyzed. And what about you? Sean was your best friend, and you almost got him killed. He left because of what we did! Don't you care!?"_

Emma had come over to sit beside Sean, and she gave his hand a squeeze of encouragement. She knew that hearing these things about his former best friend couldn't be easy. In fact, she was having trouble hearing it herself, knowing what she'd done with Jay. She'd always known Jay was bad news, but she never thought he was.. evil. To actually hear him admitting it was something else entirely.

In another classroom in Degrassi, Jay sat in shock while he watched himself on the screen. All eyes were on him. His eyes were bugged out, his face red in shock, embarrassment, and rage.

_"Man, Rick got what he deserved. So we dumped feathers and paint on him, so what. We didn't say 'here Rick, go shoot people'. I think it was the best idea I've ever had. What, did you forget what Rick did to Terri? As for Jimmy and Sean, yeah. I feel bad. But do you think I'd have planned the prank, or made Rick think Jimmy did it, or any of that if I knew for one second that the kid was psycho?"_

_"That doesn't change what happened Jay. It doesn't bring back Sean, it won't fix Toby's nightmares, it won't make Emma ok, and it sure as hell doesn't help Jimmy walk again. Look dude, I didn't put that stuff in your locker." _

_"You better be telling the truth. Because if I found out you did…."_

He leapt out of his chair and rushed to the front of the classroom. As he frantically reached to shut the screen off, Mr. Simpson stepped in front of him, grabbing his shoulders.

"Oh no you don't Jay. I think we'd better go see the principal".

Jay looked around, frantic, and bolted for the door. When he got there, his escape was blocked by his classmates.

"Get the hell out of my way!" Jay screamed

"We've had enough of you trying to intimidate people, Jay. You've went too far this time. And you're not going to get away with it." Sean stepped forward from the back of the crowd, having made his way to Jay's classroom.

"Cameron! You did this!? I'm gonna kill you! I thought you were my friend!!!!"

Sean scoffed. "FRIEND, Jay? FRIEND? Friends don't get friends shot at!!! Friends don't let friends blame themselves for something THEY did! And, most importantly, FRIENDS don't mess with the people you love! No Jay, we're not friends. I don't think we ever were. You make me sick." Sean's voice was full of venom.

"I didn't force him to bring a gun to school, Sean. You think I would have done what I did if I'd known?" He looked around accusingly at the other students "You ALL treated him like shit, all of you! You ALL caused this, not just me!"

He looked past Sean, and saw Emma. "And you, Emma. You're the biggest hypocrite here. You rejected him! We all know how you shake your little ass in front of guys, make them think you give a damn, and then act as if they're repulsive. Wasn't it right after you rejected him that he went home and got he gun? Huh? Wasn't it?"

Emma looked away guiltily, knowing that, in part, what Jay had said was the truth. It was the thing she'd been battling ever since the shooting. Guilt. But she wasn't going to let Jay win.

"No Jay, the only person I found repulsive was you."

Jay glared at her.

By that time, Mr. Raditch had arrived. He spoke with barely restrained anger. "Mr. Hogart, Mr. Mason. You'll need to come with me. Students, say goodbye to Mr. Hogart & Mr. Mason, it's the last time they'll see the inside of Degrassi walls." He grabbed them, one by each arm. "Mr. Cameron, we'll talk about this tomorrow."

Before he was dragged away, Spinner spoke. "Sean, I just.. I just wanted to say thank you. For helping me get this out in the open." Sean nodded, but looked away. "And, Jimmy. Jimmy, I can never make this up to you. But I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen." He had tears running down his face, but Jimmy refused to meet his eyes. The rest of the students glared openly at Jay & Spinner. "I'M SORRY!" Spinner wailed as he was hauled towards the office.

Sean let out a deep breath. Marco met his eyes and nodded "You did what you had to do, man." The rest of the class murmured their agreement. He received a few pats on the back, but the last thing he felt like was a hero.

Emma could read him so well, she knew exactly what he was thinking. She met her step dad's eyes questioningly. After a quick nod of approval from him, she led Sean outside. They found themselves in the ravine, their spot. Neither of them said anything for a very long time. Suddenly, Sean started to weep. As his weeps turned into full-blown sobs, Emma pulled him into a hug. She pulled his head down to rest in her lap, and stroked his back and hair as he sobbed. Emma shed a few tears of her own, and they sat there, comforting each other as only they could. They cried for those the shooting had affected. They cried for Jimmy and Toby and for Rick's family, who would never understand what drove Rick to do what he did – for Terri, who had to deal with the fact she once loved the shooter who'd almost killed her friends. Sean cried for his lost friendship with Jay, and the fact that he might have killed Rick. Emma cried for her own mistakes, and the guilt that she may have played a part in Rick bringing a gun to school, and the turmoil it had put Sean through.

And yes, they even cried for Rick.

So many lives, senselessly ruined. And it all could have been prevented.

Sean and Emma sat, frozen in time, until the sun began to set. Sean looked at Emma "I never could have done this without you. I don't know how I'd have gotten through this."

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. More importantly Sean, thank you for not giving up on me."

"That's my weakness." He smiled "I could never give up on you, even if I wanted to. And I promise you, now, after everything we've been through, that I never will. Forever Emma, this is forever."

Emma was crying now, but this time it was happy tears.

"You bet your ass it is." She pulled him into a warm embrace, and as their lips met, they both knew one thing for sure. Their ordeal was over, and they could finally start to put the shooting behind them.

* * *

Emma faded back into the present, and with a sigh, closed the yearbook.

"God, I can't believe that was already 10 years ago!"

"I know. Time flies, huh?"

She wiped away the tears that had fallen at the memories the book had brought back. 2004. That year was such a defining year in her life. She'd found out who she really was, and what she was made of. After the truth about Jay & Spinner came out, she'd begun to rebuild the tattered pieces of her life. She'd renewed her friendship with Manny & Liberty, and they still kept in touch today.

Last she'd heard, Jay was in and out of jail, mostly petty crimes, but she couldn't help but wonder how he would have turned out if he hadn't been expelled from Degrassi that day.

She sighed, and heaved herself up off the couch, which was not an easy feat for a woman who was 8 months pregnant.

Her husband smiled tenderly from across the room. "Need a little help there?"

Emma laughed. "No, I'm fine, though I **should** make you help me, since it's partly your fault I'm the size of a whale!"

Her husband came to her and gave her a hug. He glanced at the yearbook. "You know, after everything that happened, I don't regret a single minute of it, because it brought us here."

"Me too." She smiled "Now come here and kiss your whale/wife!"

He gave a deep chuckle. "That's why I love you. Always with the jokes. But for the record, you're always beautiful to me."

She smiled and swatted his arm. "Quit fishing for brownie points!"

With a laugh, they headed out the door to celebrate an anniversary.

It had been 10 years, but Emma Nelson-Cameron and her husband Sean never failed to celebrate the day, and remember the event, that had brought them back together.

THE END

**A/N:** More fluffiness! I know some of the stuff seems out of character, but I don't think any of these characters have been the same since the shooting. Also, hoped you liked the twist at the end, and thanks for reading!!!


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